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Big boys toys
  |  First Published: December 2014



Dear Santa, now that we’re coming up to another Christmas, I thought it was a good time to remind you of your responsibilities to all children who have been good for the past 12 months.

I know that I’m way past the age where I should expect to be rewarded with really top pressies, but at the moment I’m standing in for my nephews Bennie, Savs, Sebs, Jackie and Fin. They have asked me to prepare and table a formal letter of request on their behalf.

They have also asked me to act as the receiver of any aforementioned pressies that you might happen to consider that they deserve. I know in previous years that I have obviously been too old and perhaps a little bit too naughty to be rewarded by any of your parcels, but the nephews have insisted that even if I can’t get pressies myself, that I should act as a collection point for them. If you have trouble believing this I can get them to write a letter of permission suggesting this.

I know it’s unusual for young boys less than 6 years of age to want boating and fishing equipment amounting to several thousand dollars; not the sort of toys that boys that age want, but they insist that my their pressies will be put aside until they reach the age where they can have their own boats. You might think that Garmin Clearvu sounders, Shimano Calcuttas and livebait tanks are unusual, but as I’ve already said, these boys are very mature for their age and show unusual amounts of foresight and planning.

It might also be mentioned to you that these boys have at times been a little bit naughty, and as I found out when I was a young’ un, boys that are naughty don’t get pressies, or things such as reels, sounders and boat toys. Jack may have punched Finny several hundred times in the face, but that was a bad afternoon, and Sebs or Savs has been known to practise chucking brown-eyes at passing cars, which was done in the schoolyard and not at home, so that shouldn’t count. There have been a few other little issues, but overall, I’m pretty sure they deserve their toys.

So Santa, I would appreciate getting those things ASAP so I can install them before our Christmas fishing trip and I can have them organised for my nephews before Chrissy. You know where I live, and I know where you live.

Yours in complete trust, Sheik.

P.S. If you receive any other correspondence from people saying they are Jack, Finny, Sebs, Savs or Benny, then please ignore. People will do anything these days for greed.

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