To Boat or not to Boat
  |  First Published: July 2011

I’m spending a lot of time wondering whether it’s better to go fishing without a boat and to ‘suck it up princess’, and just go down and throw some bait into a big wet thing like a creek, river or beach.

Not having a boat does that to you. It sends all your normal systems haywire. For example, instead of being frustrated because the wind is so strong you can’t take the boat out on your days off, I’m now frustrated about not being able to be frustrated about the wind being so strong I can’t take the boat out on my days off. Oh, to have that feeling again.

And I’m confused about the whole situation because I’m not sure which one of the above scenarios I would prefer to be in. The frustrated, or the frustrated about not being frustrated. And that’s frustrating too. Or, it’s annoying at least.

So where do I go from this? Borrow a boat? Maybe. First you have to find someone who’s stupid, I mean, generous enough to lend you their boat. Now I know Skipper will lend me his boat, but I suspect that’s because he wants to find out whether he’s fixed the fuel supply problem or not. Better that I find that out for him than he finds out for himself. I get emails from him every week or so urging me to take it out.

Stuffer will lend me his boat too, as will Pommers. But that’s because it’s a little way away. So much so that it would be a nine hour round trip to the boat ramp. I’m better off swimming out with a rod between my teeth and hanging off one of the fairway buoys.

Boobs will also lend me the boat. Actually, I should rephrase that. Boobs LENT me the boat. Once. A few months back. He hasn’t offered again. I’m not sure what that means. I thought the touch up paint hid the problem. Well, maybe not the dint, but at least the scraped area. Blasted channel markers. Who put it there anyway? Should be right away from the channel. It’s dangerous right there on the edge. So, I don’t know about Boobs. Let’s say it’s possibly a negative.

Then what about buying a boat? Well OK, that’s fine. We can afford to buy one, sure. But I’d have to do without other things if I bought a boat. Like food. And marriage. Not that Blossie has ever forbidden me from buying another boat. She hasn’t forbidden me to talk to that divorced blond woman from up the road that keeps dropping in to talk to me in a pink bikini either. She’s in a pink bikini, not me. Mine’s blue. No just kidding. Blossie hasn’t forbidden exactly, but I’m pretty sensitive and I pick up the verbal clues. And the physical ones – especially the lack of physical ones.

So what do I do? I have lures waiting to swim, pillies and squid dehydrating in the freezer, mono beginning to decay from UV light (reels are inside in the cupboard in my room but it’s amazing how that UV light gets around corners and through cupboard doors – nasty stuff) and braided line decaying from underuse. What? You haven’t heard of that happening before? It’s true. Don’t let your significant other tell you any different. Braid does break down every month it’s not used and that investment you’ve made in good line disappears very quickly unless you fish hard EVERY month.

Do I get into another sport and forget about fishing? Try something that’s less expensive? Maybe cricket? Nah, too boring. Footie? Nah, too dangerous at my age. Golf? Yeah, I suppose. Either that or I could watch paint dry. What about sunbaking? That seems like a safe sport according to the divorcee up the road who keeps inviting me up to her place to try it out.

Maybe I’ll mention the sunbaking to Blossie. She might very well send me straight out to buy a boat. But I’ve got a suspicion she wouldn’t bother. And I have another suspicion that if she did, I’d have nowhere to park the dang thing when I got back from the boatshed.

OK, so what about a tractor tyre? I’ve heard they float reasonably well. There’d be nowhere to put the outboard, but I couldn’t afford an outboard either. Could I afford a couple of oars? Or a paddle? What about a paddle…

Reads: 1985

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