Turkey Beach, Qld

Dear Santa

It’s that time of the year again Santa; the time when you ignore all those suggestions that I put forward in good faith and instead reward me with stained Bonds undies for Christmas.

Yes. Alright it’s true that the Stacer Nomad MP turned up with the 60hp four stroke and the stainless prop and also a Raymarine sounder, radio, GPS, lights and cigarette lighter – but that came from my wife. What did you put forward for me?

It’s not as if I haven’t been good. Okay, there were some small little things that happened that maybe shouldn’t have.

I know Stuffer says he couldn’t understand how his prop got so damaged when I was the only one who’d hit a rock on Baffle. And I know that my prop and his prop are interchangeable. And I did have that ring spanner in my tackle box. And grease on my arm.

And just because the nut holding his prop on happened to fall off when he was up past Tablelands Road and he didn’t have a spare. He politely suggested that I may have swapped them. I politely told him he should expect things like props to fall off. He’s a Dudd.

But I wasn’t lying. He is a Dudd. Sometimes things happen for no reason at all, and sometimes they happen for other reasons. He’s still a Dudd, and he should expect disasters.

Anyway, the tide carried him and Pommers back most of the way to Boaga before it started on the run-in. And they would have had a pleasant trip if they hadn’t run out of beer. And I didn’t take that extra carton of mid-strength beers Pommers put on ice the night before in the boat. The ones in my boat were a totally different type.

Ok, they were exactly the same bottle and everything, and we’d only bought one carton, but so what? They must have evaporated from their esky. The bottles as well. But Pommers should expect things to go missing. He’s a Dudd.

And Doughers broke his own rod. It’s true I was holding it at the time but he’d given it to me to hold. OK, so that was the day before, but he should expect things to break. He’s a Dudd.

And Manboobs ran out of fuel at Baffle too. It was a coincidence that I didn’t have to fill up all week. His four stroke must have been using more fuel than he thought. Or maybe his tank had a leak. And I carry that siphon hose with me everywhere. And I pour fuel through it all the time to keep it lubricated, so that’s why it seemed wet all week.

Boobs has got to expect things not to go as planned. He’s a Dudd.

Thank goodness I have Skipper on my side anyway. He didn’t gang up on me like the others did, Santa. Our boat went pretty well all week. He’s a good boat companion. He doesn’t catch more fish than me. He can use a socket spanner and a siphon hose really well, he likes mid-strength, and he sticks up for his mates. So get him something special too.

But back to my favourite subject. Me. Last year Santa, remember….? I asked for a boat and all that other stuff. I’ve got that now, but no thanks to you, so I don’t want very much at all. In fact, I only want one thing. One little thing.

Apparently your elves have to help you get into houses when you’ve got no chimney to go down. So I guess they can… um… get through things like locks very easily.

It would be really great if I could get one of their little lock un-pickerers for myself. Not that, I’ll use it. Only to get into the house when I lock myself out and stuff like that. If you could get me one of those it would be fantastic.

Otherwise I might have a very expensive trip to Turkey Creek with the Dudds this year. For some reason Pommers, Stuffer, Boobs and Doughers have all put padlocks on everything they own.

Tell you what. You get me that lock pick, and I’ll split you down the middle with the money I save this year on the Dudds trip to Turkey Beach. That’s $500 for me and $300 for you and the elves. Oh, and $20 for Skipper. I’m a loyal person, and I have to look after Skipper.

After all, he is a Dudd you know.

Warm Regards,

Sheik