The Great Pretender
  |  First Published: August 2008

There’s that one ad where they get to their camping spot and old mate’s got a new fridge that chills beers down in a second. The dog flips a lever and other old mate cops one in the ‘Jabba the Hutts’.

Then there’s one where they’re out in the middle of the dry dam and they need a cold beer to cool off, especially old mate who’s got a sunny queen head. You know ‘em all don’t you? Those blokes that are meant to be fishing on TV. But you can tell they’re so fake.

The dog that flips the lever for example, would be in a crab pot in the next episode if it were real life – not that I condone such action. Terrible thought. I’m just joking of course. No really, DON”T DO THIS AT HOME. JUST JOKING. NO LETTERS PLEASE.

But anyway, back to those pretenders in the ads. You can tell they’re not true fishermen, even the bloke who gets the mackerel lure in his back end. While it looks like the sort of thing that can happen on a fishing trip, you know it’s a sham by the reaction of his mates. On the ad, they all stand around laughing at him. That just wouldn’t happen in real life. In real life, your mates would either:

Pull the lure harder and lead you around the beach like a camel;

Take heaps of photos before you got the trebles out; or

Totally ignore you, call you a sook and tell you to harden the $%#* up.

But I have to admit we wouldn’t allow a camera on our trips. Well, maybe if there was no sound, because they’d have to beep every second word. Actually, if Leo was making a guest appearance on a Dudds’ trip, it would be like a fat man stuck in the doorway of the local corner shop – constant beeping.

There’s also another one where old mate has a massive fridge hidden under the trayback, or somewhere similar. In real life, if you were going to spend that sort of money on a fishing trip, it wouldn’t be on keeping the beer cold. That’s what chilly bins are for.

And also, what the hell do you do all day if you don’t spend four hours driving to the nearest servo for blocks of ice? Fish perhaps? I don’t think so. There’s only so much time you can spend throwing a lure/drowning a livey/checking your pots at Awoonga/Rainbow/Saltwater Creek. Ridiculous!

No, if you had that sort of money, you’d spend it on your gear or your boat. Or, if you happen to fish with the Dudds, you’d spend it on upgrading your health insurance – too much is never enough on our trips!

The other giveaway that they’re not real fishing trips is that there is no flatulence on those ads. I mean really? How realistic is it that they talk to each other for thirty seconds, or however long an ad is, and no one lets rip with a trouser cough?

So if those people want realism, here’s my advice. Hire the Dudds, beep the entire language out and use subtitles, no dogs or cats, and don’t have fancy gadgets that aren’t involved in fishing.

Oh, and equip the film crew with gas masks. Apparently compo can make production run overtime and drive the costs up a bit.

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