I thought I had a lot of fishing gear until I saw my wife’s jewellery box. And no, that’s not a double meaning.

I tinker around with the odd piece of gear I have in my collection. Get the rods and reels out and practice tying mono onto braid line. I do a lot of that, mainly because they pull out as soon as I tie them. And it’s good to see the little collection of gear I’ve managed to build up over the last… many years. I’ve managed to get rid of the rubbish rods and reels, mainly by giving them to my kids for birthday presents, or to various Dudds to replace the ones of theirs I’ve broken. So now it’s a nice little collection of Shimanos and Daiwas.

But it paled into comparison when I got a look at the collection of gold that Blossom has in the house. Lucky it’s hidden on the ground floor because the top floor bearers are only 6x4 ironbark.

I mean, it looked like a shoot of the next Johnny Depp sequel Pirates of the Caribbean: Husbands Lost Wages. Not that my wife would mind Mr Depp wandering in from the street to do some filming. Especially if there were kissing scenes involved. But anyway, I digress.

The first thought I had when I saw this glittering array of splendour was that the Sultan of Borneo had come to stay. Or at least, someone had picked his ports up from the carousel at Brisbane International and dropped them in my bedroom. Gold, silver, precious jewels, pearls, glass, copper. She could list on the stock exchange as a mining venture company. She could also hang a Wallace Bishop sign out on the front fence and she wouldn’t be lying.

Thing that gets me though is what is it about? Why do women want all this jewellery? It’s not like it’s useful stuff. Like fishing gear. My sister-in-law is selling silver jewellery at the moment and you’d swear it was the fountain of youth they were buying.

And if you look carefully at the stuff, it’s all pretty much the same; at least it looks that way to me. I mean how many gold bracelets can you wear? Yet they can sit there and discuss each one for hours. Thank goodness men don’t act that way with fishing gear.

But how do they end up with so much? I must admit, I buy her a piece of metal every few years, but she doesn’t need that. Her and her friends are much cleverer than us. Next time your partner is having a birthday, check out how she lets her friends know that the big day is coming up. About a dozen of ‘em will end up sending her something for the big day. For some reason she seems to enjoy silver and gold more than the new iron I gave her. Go figure. And if you comment on how lucky she was to get so many presents, she’ll say, “Well I got them something for their birthday so they’re just returning the favour.” Ah yes, that’s where the trickiness comes in.

So with that in mind, the Dudds are getting smart. We’re starting a birthday list. Everyone goes on it, and we all buy each other a birthday present. That way, each year, we should end up with five nice little rods or reels to add to our collections. I mean if Stuffer, Boobs, Pommers, Skipper and Doughers give me a pressie, I have to give one back right? Of course, it won’t do me much good; I’ll just end up giving them back to replace the ones of theirs I’ve broken in the meantime. But it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?

Eat your heart out Johnny Depp, Captain Sheik has pirate’s loot covered.